Ingredients of Love

Love is a million more things that we even know about. We just feel these things and can't control it. Its pain, joy, happiness, an excuse for dieing and a reason for living. Its beautiful, horrible, magical, terrible, reason to laugh and smile, reasons to cry yourself to sleep at night. Love is confusing and it never ever makes sense. It blinds the shit out of you and no one really nos why we do the things we do when we're in love. It hurts so bad but then it feels so good. It makes you smile and it makes you cry. Side effects? Yeah those always come along. Butterflies, sweaty hands, constantly blushing and smiling whenever you hear the persons name and especially seeing that special person. Everyone experiences love a different way. Some, only that one person can make them happy & only that one person can keep them sane. Its like the person you love is the CAUSE and the fucking CURE. See, I'm one of those people and I must admit that love is a pretty complicated thing, but it is also so wonderful. I love the guy I'm with and I wouldn't trade him for the world because he has given me the reason to love, again. Not always is love painful, it is the greatest most powerful feeling ever to exist and I'm so greatful I've been given this gift.

Pump my brakes

I've realized that my life is going way fast & I started to wonder why no one has tried to stop me from rushing. I admit, I'm a person who always rushes into things but I didn't realize I've been OCD about it. I always wanted to just be older point blank. When I was 10, I was dying to be 16. And when I was 16 I was dieing to be 20, if that even makes any sense. In my previous post, I mentioned how much I miss highschool, which I do. I just miss being a little kid period. PUMP YOUR BRAKES, yeah thats a good way to put it.

Highschool VS College

10:53 PM, I figured its not that late and I'm always on this shit anyway, let me right something.
Schools in other what, 2 weeks? Maybe alittle less than that. I thought I'd be super excited about starting college but I'm not. I'm still in "highschool mode" and I miss it a lot. I wish I can start it all over along with fixing and avoiding mistakes. But I mean, it was worth it because in the end, everything turned out how it was suppose to... I got my highschool sweetheart and I graduated on time along with being the flyest bitch at prom, haha. Damn, I sure do have a lot of memories of highschool. 4 years felt like 40 years. I wish I didn't fucking rush it cause now I regret it. Yeah I hated waking up 5 45 every morning, and hated picking out my outfit half asleep and taking that looooooooong bus ride. Oh yeah and going through scanning lol. But it was a great experience. I learned a lot of shit in school. It changed me from a little girl to a young woman that I have grown to be.
How time flys. I watch my little brother in law (Roy), graduate and now going to the school I went to and I'm so excited for him. I wish I was in his fucking shoes right now. Theres so much more I wanted to do in highschool and never got the chance to. Be a cheerleader, join the softball team, the poetry club... Ah man, I cry just thinking how stupid I was for not joining all those little club shits. Damn, I guess I really do miss being a kid.


PS: To all the youngings, don't rush it. Enjoy highschool, dream big.

Love; a package deal?

Getting with Manny has been the greatest decision I ever made but I didn't know it came with a package deal... Haters & Hoes. I'm sick of lies people try telling me & I'm sick of people trying to put shit in my head. Here's alittle something for all the people that fit in this package, FUCK YOU. Enough is enough. No one can ever change my mind about how I feel for Manny. Point blank, end of story, FINITO! He was who he was in the past, but now that I'm here, he's changed and I'm here to STAY. He's mine, he loves me, I'm Wifey & together we are something serious... something special. GET OVER IT.

Please & Thank you.

3 years late

All my friends got their learners permit once they turned 16 while I sat back and watched. I am now going to be 18 and I finally got my ass up & said WHAT THE HELL lemme take the damn shit. No book, didn't study lol and I passed. Damn I'm good! Hahah. My beautifly, yes beautifly, ID should be coming in two weeks and I can't wait to see how I look, lol. Goofy probably just like everyother ID I ever had.

Till then...

Picture Perfect

He gets me mad and can drive me crazy lol, but

that all part of good lovin. I love you Babyy.<3

?

Life sucks, I hate it, its boring & its misreable. Damn, I guess that means death must be fucking amusing huh. Love hurts (not all the time, but it is painful), life hurts, reality hurts. Why is everything so harsh? Why are people so harsh? Theres no such thing as real friends or real people or even people who care about you. No one cares about anyone but themselves... except for me of coarse. I care for everyone except myself. I guess you can say I'm backwards. I've always said I'm a person who cares way too much and I am that type of person.. never could change that even if I wanted it to. Things get better to get worse I don't fucking understand it. I mean how much more GOOD do I have to be? All thats left for me to do is sit back, relax, & FUCK EVERYTHING. I'm done.

Too much heart for my own good

I over do things sometimes because I'm a person who cares way too much. I put my heart into a lot of things & people seem to not appreciate the things I do. It hurts ;/ When your dieing to see someone so bad because you miss them dearly. I hate being the victim with everything. I hating being the one that's pushed aside or the one to be held up. It sucks to be such a loving person because I never get shit in return. Ok, so I'm being alittle too dramatic but doesn't it suppose to hurt? People say I make myself suffer because I dwell on things way too much for way too long. Well, I guess their right.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn is my home and I miss it so freakin' much :(

Happier Today.

I smile cause I'm happy :) I'm happy because everything is going so much better than usual. <3

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

<3

Last Day

I couldn't ask for more than this last day with Manny. Today he's leaving to Rhode Island for 10 days & its killing me :( but I'm so happy he spent his last day AND night with me till the next morning. I'm gona miss him soooo much but I guess this little get away is good for us too. Missing someone after so long and then they finally come back its like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Missing you already. ♥

Make them see?

I want the world to fucking no that Manny loves me just as much as I love him. Daddy is who I'm referring to world. This man believes I am not a person because I cannot feel or think with the mind of my own. He says I'm too young to no anything about love but I no exactly how it feels. I no what its like to get hurt and heartbroken, and I no what its like to love someone so much the way I do with Manny.
Yes, I am only 18 but I'm HUMAN and I do have a heart. My baby is leaving to RI for work & I won't be seeing him as much. My father says "so what". I'm going to miss him so much & my father doesn't think its a big deal.
Sometimes I think that Daddy doesn't have a heart. He doesn't look at his girlfriend the way I do to Manny... he doesn't touch, or laugh or play... He doesn't no ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE. We'll prove him wrong. We'lll get married the right way and grow old with each other. Wonder what Daddy will say then.

Chris Crocker

I love you <3

When Men Get Horny


Self Love


The Bible

Get up and leave?

I'd runaway to a faraway place that no one would ever find me if I could.. like some where magical. But wait, that shit don't exist. Life is hell & I wish to escape it. ;( Only in my Dreams I could.
To dream of living in paradise, having everything I need and having no one telling me what the fuck to do. Damn, that would be the perfect life. But I have to remember, Joanna wake up. Your only dreaming.


"when it comes down to sink or swim
when it comes down to me or him
i close my eyes wishing i could decide
the life I wanna live
what's best for me hurts the most
giving up an addiction that has me coaxed
is harder than i thought it would be
is harder than i want it to be
i've been thrown for a loop
forgotten my fate
if i can't have him i guess i should pray
to care about myself
because it aint coming naturally
the devine one better be real
otherwise, i'm my own worst enemy
because my heart is begging to be put out of it's misery
and the fire is becoming too hot to care
and the fight is getting harder to bare
i don't care about sympathy
i don't care about caring
i only care about winning this man's heart
and if i can't have it, someone else will
and since i can't have it, i might as well kill"

-Chris Crocker

10 Beautiful Months ♥

Its been 10 months I've been with Manny and it feels almost like forever. My feelings haven't changed one bit for him, except that they have grown stronger since Day 1. I love every bit of this man and I'd give my all to him. They say love blinds another and makes you do things that are unexplainable, well I guess they were right. Nothing will ever change the way I feel for him and I plan to spend the rest of my days with him. I love you Babe & Happy 10 months.

"I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day, in every thing that's light and gay. I'll always think of you that way."

-Billie Holiday

Way past Childhood.

A 18 year old young lady, like myself, shouldn't worry about curfew or bullshit rules. Now, I am not yet an adult but I AM not that little girl I used to be, a child I am Not. I shouldn't be scolded like some kind of dog that pissed on "Mommie's new rug". I want to be able to get out and have fun without coming home having things taken away from me like some 13 year old. I want to move out & be on my own with my partner but they hold me back from "making a big mistake" according to them.
Parents only want the best for their children, but you can't always pick them up when they get hurt. A girl needs to learn from her mistakes, not having Mommy & Daddy to TRY and prevent them. Wouldn't that be cheating out life? Things will happen if they are bound to no matter what. I just wish they'd take a walk in my shoes for once.
I love them both dearly and I don't no what id do without those two but I wish they would just let go.

Creating a bond with another and a love that lasts forever

It feels so good to know that special someone loves you back and God, does it feel good to be in love. I fell for the most amazing guy ever to exist on this planet and I have NO REGRETS in doing so, I love him. Like in love stories, we are perfect and are headoverhills for each other but our life together isn't a fairy tale. We do have our ups and downs but fighting is a better way of strengthing our relationship. I don't no what it is about Manny, but he's completely different and always stands out. The person he is, inside & out and the person he has made me. He completes me.
Around Manny I can be myself, from clowning around to sheding my tears, I feel so comfortable. Three words, I love you, will never explain how I feel about him because its so much more than that. God has blessed me and I am lucky to have someone like him to love me for who I am... the ONLY one who loves me for me.
Thank you Baby. <3


October 5, 2007 ♥


i love you.

Against the world.

I must say... life isn't all what i thought it would be. Especially after high school. They say that things will always get worse before they get any better but when will it get better anyway? Sometimes I wish I can see what will happen... almost like supernatural, i could seeeeee the future. My love life & my social life.. family affairs and doing things FOR ME. Its like there's a boulder in my way of trying to proceed with my life. I give up all I have and I get a kick in the ass and multiple heartaches for being a good person.
Its like a girl needs to be a Bitch to get any respect around here because being sweet and kind gets you no where. Life is stupid and I hate it. I really do hope life turns out good at the end because giving up is LAST on my list. I'm almost 18 and i have yet accomplished what I've been wanting to. My mother says I shouldn't rush my life, which is true but a girl needs to grow into a woman sooner or later. What's a girl like me sitting around on my ass & being in the house get me? No where.
I want my life to begin to show results. I want to be happy and I want to be happy NOW. Relationships aren't at there best all the time but I wish it was 24/7.... like in fairy tales but fairy tales aren't real. All I have to do is hold on and hope He doesn't let go. I've always dreamed of getting married on a beach, having beautiful children and living happily ever after but I'm tired of dreaming. I want it to become reality and I'm scared thats not set in the path of my destiny.
God, i really do hope you got it all planned out for me.