A hole in my heart

I miss Manny so much ;( His job and my college classes got us both hella busy and off track. I have classes Monday through Thursday, 8 - 2, 9 - 2, and Wensdays 10 - 12. Manny works Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Sat. & Sunday, 3 30- 12. ;(( DAMN! It sounds bad but its worst than it seems.
I hate not seeing him or not being able to talk to him as much. He never has time for a break and when he's out of work I'm trying to stay up but eventually end up falling asleep.
Life's unfair and times like this is when I need to hold on because I know the outcome will be a great success... THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.
I love you Manny & I know that this will make us stronger.



I miss you

...

Everythings not okay

This circle never ends...

Paramore seems to sing the right words that make up my emotions completely. The song CIRCLE is like whoa ;/ That's exactly how I feel. Like I'm running around in a big circle over & over again. My life, is one big circle and I've began to realize how much I hate it... How much of a headache it is. Break the circle? Start a new one? See, here's the thing, I don't want to be in any shape. I want my life to go in different directions.. the right ways of coarse. I just wanna start over, try something new with my life. Become something new, a whole new person. NEW NEW NEW NEW. If only I had the power to do that.
But my life is changing, isn't it? College? Work? Becoming a real woman? Marriage maybe? Happily ever after? Well I don't believe in none of that anymore, if that even make sense. Times, I love my life, and times, like now, I hate it. I feel that I will never be happy for as long as I wanna be. Summer, was worst than its ever been for me. Will fall, winter and spring be the same?
I say to myself, Hey Joanne, your 18! And in college! You have a great boyfriend, some great ass friends, not the perfect family but they love you. What else do you want?
What else do I want? I don't know... I'm not trying to ungreatful because compared to other people, I have a perfect life. But what I if I don't want this perfect life? I'm not a perfectionist so why should anything be perfect?
Maybe I should take a look at life from a different perspective. See the unseeable, think the unthinkable... Or maybe, I don't care anymore.



1Love

I'm just too nice...

I hate that I'm too nice to people... and I hate that people take advantage of that. I let shit slide sometimes.. well, all the time I guess but not this time. Like I said before, ain't no such thing as true or real friends and I'll never take back those words. I had enough of bitches walking all over me. "Oh, Joanna won't care." "Oh, I don't need to ask Joanna." Fuck that. I'm so done. I'm done with people only looking for me when they need something. I'M FINISHED

Dear Lissy,

I know that you can't actually read this, but I know that you are watching over me right now writting this. I want to say that I'm sorry Lissy. I'm sorry. The fact that I was always a lot more younger than you were and I never been that great of a cousin. I wish that I could have spent so much more time with you but the times we did share were great. I miss that laugh of yours which always made me crack up when I heard it. I'll never forget how it sounds. I miss you doing my feet lol and my nails.. that was always so much fun. Making fun of me cause my feet smelled LOL. When you sang this song and I told you that you couldn't sing lol and you got mad at me haha. I hate that everything reminds me of you and I almost catch myself thinking your actually around me. Lissy, I dream about you all the time and I now think of it as a way of us communicating but I hate waking up realizing it was JUST a dream. I never realized how much I loved you, now that your gone I feel so angry because I have no way of telling you how much I appreciate you. I cry all the time when I think of you like how I'm crying now writing this. WE miss you girl, all of us. Julian, omg he looks so much like you and he's grown so handsome.. so beautiful just like his mommy.

I never said goodbye because to me its never goodbye. Its "see you later". Your just on a very long long long vaction =] Relaxing and in peace with no stress or drama. LUCKY ASS! Lol. I know your looking down at me and I hope you are proud of me for everything I have accomplished. I know your with me everywhere I go, protecting me. And I no your with Titi, your brothers and your beautiful kids.

I love you Lissy... until we meet again, I'll be missing you.

-Your little cousin, Jo-Jo ( like how you use to call me.)

My Therapy Session

LAUGHING MY ASS OFFFFFFFFF!!

Daughterly Love?

Sometimes I feel like she doesn't love me much,

but yet she feels the same way. I am BITCH &

I am ignorant... no, I'm not. I'm actually way more
stronger, way more wiser

than she or anyone else would even imagine.

We fight like kids, or like when best friends fight.

Wait no, more like sisterly fights.

Its so stupid all the time, I can't take it.

I use to cry & scream but now I just laugh, LOL.

Laughing is more like therapy to me now

for EVERYTHING.